Pointless Opinion

Independent Game Review: Alex the Allegator 4

2006-05-31T11:21:00.000-07:00

Yay, a new review! Wait, nope, not yet. Once again I'm behind in my posting schedule. I had to drive a few states south over the weekend to help a friend move and thus, have not had the time to finish up my piece on Alex4. Then, I started playing games and forgot what I was suppose to be doing. Sigh. Nonetheless, everything's moved back a week and I'll be re-doing this post to contain the correct review this weekend. Sword of Fargoal Remake will be coming next week.

BTW, I noticed Legends of Thantil, a game I reviewed earlier, has been recently updated. How sweet is that?

Independent Game Review: Dragon of Shiuliang (Version 1.06)

2006-05-21T00:24:00.000-07:00

I’m back! Pointless Opinion has been revived! Viva la pointlessness! Unfortunately, that’s about as excited as I’m going to get through this special review of an oh-so mediocre game. ‘Why review it?’ you ask? What a great question and I’ll even privilege you with an answer. Today, I’m reviewing Dragon of Shiuliang by Chris DeLeon. This “full RPG”, as DeLeon would lead you to believe, happens to be the first allegro-made game I ever played and rightfully holds close strings to my heart. Yet, after seeing what Allegro users are capable of, it doesn’t seem as impressive as I remember it to be. Without further ado, I present to you, my review of Dragon of Shiuliang, part II*.

Dragon of Shiuliang
Chris DeLeon

Good: A pleasant flow of music that changes accordingly to the places you traverse.
Bad: An unpleasant flow of dialogue.
Rock, nothing beats rock! Poor Bart, always chooses Rock…
Commentary:
What was it that made me play Dragon of Shiuliang? Well, look at the title. It sure looks serious, doesn’t it? It was enough to get me started and I was blown away by the well-drawn title screen. There’s even a fancy little intro scene to kick things off. Sadly, it’s all downhill from there.

The game is sloooow (extra o’s intended). You move slowly, plot development is slow and the boss of the game is slow (mentally). It is smooth and it definitely appears very crisp and professional, but we all know that doesn’t make a quality game. So…what is the game about? It’s about a sorceress who turns the locals into quote-spouting zombies just because she is neglected. Perhaps that should have been the advertisement instead of “it’s a full RPG,” as the site so promptly states. It is definitely not a full RPG. Walking aimlessly around and talking to unnecessary amounts of NPC’s does not constitute a RPG. What’s worse is there’s no battles (I beg to differ the final and lone battle of the game is actually a battle). No battles means no character development, which means no game. I do believe the G in RPG stands for “Game.” Bleh.

I’d say you can get a good fifteen minutes out of this game, which is mainly from the terrible walking speed. After the challenging, end-battle, which you’ll beat literally to the flip of a weighted three-sided quarter (wink, wink, hint, hint), the best feature of the game is introduced. Of course, the novice game player will have already found this facet of the game by their lonesome. I’m talking about the Finger of God, an in-game editor that allows you to move the world around to your own pleasure as it is happening. Yes, this lifted my interest, but only slightly. There are a multitude of NPC’s and treasures you simply can’t get to without this feature. It is an out-of-the-ordinary idea that’s worthy of hacking to see how it works, but it still doesn’t help the gameplay.

Further research (boy, that sure sounded college-like of me, hehe haw haw) reveals that this game was a semester long school project. In fact, there was a whole team behind DoS. Too bad I’ve seen better games done solo in less than 72 hours, *zing*. But seriously, Chris DeLeon does have an impressive array of games that he has worked on, including projects that are still going on. Some of his material looks pretty good too, although looks can be deceiving, as DoS proves. Considering DeLeon himself rates DoS as one of his less accomplished works, I think he deserves the chance to be accredited. So by all means, take a look at what else he has done right here (comes with a nice ranking table so you can get right to his good stuff).

There you go Chris, free advertisement. Now promise me you won’t false advertise any more. It’s not a full RPG.

Graphics 6/10
Title screen is amazing, sprites are well drawn, even though some tend to moonwalk and tiles are visually appealing. On the downside, the blocky feel and poor map design is ugly and I’ve seen better fonts in regurgitated alphabet soup. I believe that’s my second zinger of the day!

Sound Effects 2/10
The SFX guy must’ve been deaf, because the sound effects in DoS are bad and out of place. Graphically and musically, the game is very organized, but the SFX’s just ruin it. There’s really only two sounds that I can remember (painfully) and so I give thee two out of ten (painfully).

Music 6/10
Dynamic music is awesome. At least, I think it is dynamic. The music typically changes when you enter a new zone and usually, it produces the right feel. The only problem is that the same overlaying tune (save the boss battle) is constant throughout the entire venture of DoS, causing it to lessen its allure and by the end it is just dull. I think a six is about right.

Story/Plot/Purpose 1/10
It’s suppose to be a RPG, so I’m grading this section more strictly. The plot is awful and hardly develops at all. There is no purpose to the gold, which is jokingly stated by one of the many NPC’s. A lot of the NPC’s don’t even say anything remotely related to the game. But the biggest docking of points comes from the hero’s name: Prince Poo. Okay, maybe, just maybe it is suppose to be a foreign name that translates oddly in English. Yet everything else is in English and seems decent, so I doubt that theory. Obviously, the creators thought Poo was funny, but it surely isn’t, not in-game at least. And what about the lonely, purposeless sorceress? She’s zapping people for the sole purpose of not being properly recognized. And where is that blasted Dragon of Shiuliang! Did I mention the prince’s name is Poo? The story is pooh.

Controls 5/10
They’re there. Nothing fancy though and little to discuss. You’ve been fived.

Replay Value 2/10
Sure, talking to NPC’s, exploring the world and picking your nose (not included with game) is fun and all, but I really have no desire to do any of them again…except maybe that last option. Now if there were battles, perhaps I’d be inclined to raise the score. But there isn’t, so I won’t.

Difficulty 1/10
If you die in this game it is only because you ran into a bug in the game. However, you can just use the editor function to get yourself out. And the final battle (spoilers around the parenthesis) is a rock-paper-scissors game. What in the world? Well, you’re number one in my book, 1 out of 10 that is.

Originality 4/10
DoS is…unique. The Finger of God option and characters that speak famous quotes really stand out, but whoop-dee-doo. The originality in this game is more like a serious flaw rather than supportive to the gameplay. Draw four, good buddy.

Artificial Intelligence 2/10
Let’s see, NPC’s walk around and you play a random-chance boss battle. Yeah, that’s not artificial intelligence, that’s artificial ignorance.

Pointless Opinion 7/10
Once again, it’s the Pointless Opinion score to save the day. So why did I give a higher score here then all the other categories? Well, one for the title. Honestly, try to pronounce it…Dragon of Shi-ooh-lee-ang. How fun is that? Plus, it was the first allegro game I ever played, that has to count for something, right? I did enjoy it at first, because it was enticing and seemed like a full world to explore and investigate, even though I quickly found out it wasn’t. Ultimately, the editor option given at the end of the game compelled me to play longer and search all the newly available spots in the world as well as talk to NPC’s who chat about something interesting for a change. Brave on, oh rusty Dragon of Shiuliang, may ye find another soul brave enough to dare your ten minutes of entirety.

**************** Overall Rating: 36/100 ***************

Click Dragon of Shiuliang to download the game.

* I say Part II because I wrote this entire review once and then it was accidentally deleted. I managed to regain my strength from the depressing blow and rewrote it for your viewing pleasure.

Read Full Post to see Overall Rating!

Non-Review: Been taking a break

2006-01-30T07:15:00.000-08:00

Apologies for my lack of posting and/or reviewing. I suppose the CH entry really took it out of me. I'm pretty busy this semester, so don't expect too regular of updates. I still have some reviews on hold that I hope to post eventually, but there just isn't any time lately.

Stay tuned...

Independent Game Reviews: ChristmasHack '05

2006-01-05T20:29:00.000-08:00

Introduction
This is a special post covering the new allegro community event, ChristmasHack! There were 21 participants and 16 actually submitted their works. Twelve projects went public and those 12 are the ones I'm discussing today. Since ChristmasHack is an 8 day event, evalutations of the titles is considerably more lenient, but I'll still put in my pointless opinion.

If you are a regular reader, I'm hoping to get links to all these new games so you can play them. If you are an author of one of these titles, please keep in mind that these reviews are only my opinion, which moreorless means nothing at all (hence the pointlessness). I do, however, hope that I say something worth your time and want you to know that I spent a lot of time playing these games and closely examining them.

The "Reviews" section alone is 4500 words in MS Word (covering a whopping 9 and a half pages). This post took me two weeks to write because of many different factors. I'd appreciate any feedback you wish to give, even if you just want to correct a spelling or grammatical error.

I will be getting back into my regular reviews shortly afterwards. I do in fact have a list of games I will be reviewing from the dept, so stay tuned. I hope to release a new review either weekly or bi-weekly (depending once again on several factors). In addtion, the depot titles I review I make long, comprehensive bug/suggestion lists that I send to the author. It's my way of showing that someone is playing their game. I'm not afraid to play the best and worst games. :)

Without further ado, let's get into the review!

Play the Game
Currently, I'm just going to link directly to the ChristmasHack download page. If the authors want to have a webpage or their own personal download link, let me know and I will update your individual review to contain a link as well.

Download Page

Reviews
Since this is a long post, I've made a list of links that will hop you to the corresponding game review. I ordered these games at random.

Each game will include 1) Title, 2) Author, 3) Something good about the game, 4) Something bad about the game, 5) Something random, possibly pertainning to the game, 6) A lengthy commentary, 7) A score. The scores are based off several reasons/factors which all sum up to "That's what I think it deserves." You are welcome to contest the score, but it is unlikely that I'll be willing to change my opinion. I do believe I've been considerably fair.

Revenge of Frosty
XMAS Delivery
Nuclear Attack!
R.U.D.O.L.F
Santa's Hat
The Usual Spices
And the Cow Jumped over the Moon
Thanta'th Little Helperth
Santa Sleigh Race
Zombie Slaughtering
Star Paint
KeyMan
FUTURXMAS

Scores Section

Title: Revenge of Frosty
Author: OICW
Good: Waylaying on Elves (you know you’ve always wanted to)
Bad: Trying to control the spastic conglomeration of snow, a.k.a. Frosty.
A new persona: Frosty has never looked better.
Comment:
That loveable bandit is back and looking for trouble! Okay, I’m not sure why Frosty is a bandit or why he is looking for trouble, but what do I care, I get to knock out Elves with snowball-throwing action! If you’re the peaceful type and/or love those rose-cheeked elves, don’t worry, OICW’s Revenge of Frosty will change that. Those adorable little toy-makers apparently make the most annoying sounds ever! The constant squeaking of the back-and-forth elves will drive you insane and you’ll be glad to put them out of your misery.

Personally, I enjoyed the 30 seconds of action you get in RoF. It doesn’t take long to figure out how to play (nor beat) and everything functions seemingly well for an eight-day game. I liked the sprite-graphics and soothing background image, but the rest graphic-wise (which I guess is just the blocks and ice cream cones) could use some work. Maybe it’s just me, but believing in a gray-block two-dimensional world is a tad bit difficult. However, my biggest qualm of the game is the controls. Yes, the mechanics and ease-of-use are fine, but actually controlling frosty can be somewhat difficult. Mainly, it was the spastic jumping. Of course, this ends up making the game more difficult which surprisingly makes it more fun.

RoF is a good start to what could become a pretty interesting arcade-like game. Right now, it is way too short to be called a game. I look forward to a finished product if the author decides to continue, that is, if he stops giving Frosty coffee.
Score: **+

Title: XMAS Delivery
Author: Jakub Wasilewski
Good: Original concept and professional presentation.
Bad: Crazy hard!
Who has less patience than kids? Apparently me.
Comment:
All bow before Jakub, the benevolent provider of ChristmasHack ’05. On top of that, he managed to pull together a game. And not just any game at that, but an impressive action/strategy-like game. There are some imperfections to Jakub Wasilewski’s XMAS Delivery, but they have nothing to do with the overall production value.

This is one of the few CH games that I could not beat. It amazes me that in eight days a game with more than an hour’s game-time can be constructed, but XMAS Delivery is one of those games. It’s not terribly long or arbitrary, but rather incredibly difficult. I got to the fourth (out of six) level after about forty-five minutes and decided to call it quits. However, as I write this review, I have this strange urge to start it back up and finish the remaining levels. Thus, even though it is terribly tricky, you’ll have a harder time putting it down.

XD’s music is awesome. I don’t know what else to say about it other than I couldn’t think of a more fitting piece during the game. Sound effects are appropriate, graphics are stunning (that falling snow affect makes this game fun to just watch), physics are unbelievably realistic and it all works to a tee, as if it had been worked on for months and months. Once again, I have to say ‘all bow to Jakub!’

Unfortunately, since it is so fluid and difficult it becomes frustrating quickly. This and only this is what hurts the final score. Now, to get back to dish out those last levels before I go crazy!
Score: ****

Title: Nuclear Attack!
Author: Thomas Harte
Good: Cinematic camera-winding awesomeness!
Bad: Little satisfaction for getting to City X
Just for fun: Trying to shoot buildings upside down…
Comment:
Great shot!! I’d say so, to be able to conceal a nuclear missile within the contents of a colored, wire-frame building. Although “Great Shot!!” is all you get for hitting that box-in-a-citystack, there’s still a lot of fun to Thomas Harte’s Nuclear Attack! The overall concept is pretty basic and controls are self-explanatory, so you can immediately get to firing nukes!

Hitting your first building is quite a joy. After that, you’ll knock the next 10 cities out with little effort. At that point, it becomes more of an “I don’t want to have to start all over” point of view, increasing anxiety. Most likely you’ll play it through a few times, challenging yourself to get further, miss a building when you’re really far along and not play again.

I have to give major style points for Nuclear Attack! It’s the best true-to-style ChristmasHack entry as well as the most crisp/clean-cut program. The vector graphics are very well done, truly creating the old console-like atmosphere. One of the smaller details that personally stood out to me was the soft blinking of the text, further creating the environment. It was a good choice not to include music, rather having just beeps and bloops for sound effects. Design-wise, the author did a flawless job.

Unfortunately, you do get bored with it pretty quick. It’s like that old monkey game where you throw the bananas, trying to hit your opponent, only the opponent in Nuclear Attack! doesn’t fight back. A multiplayer mode where each opponent is trying to hit the central target or you’re shooting at each other would’ve been a major plus. Nonetheless, Nuclear Attack! is a great entry and a completely functional package, ready for any gamer who enjoys aiming and blowing things up (explosions not included).
Things of interest:
- Make sure you wait a moment at the beginning to see a nice Star Wars-ish intro.
- See what crazy shots you can come up with (and take some screenshots!)
- How high can you go? My best height reached between 3200 and 3300. :)
Score: ****

Title: R.U.D.O.L.F.
Author: Craig Niles
Good: Getting all the weapon charge-ups.
Bad: Difficult to control
Can you die? No!
Comment:
I suffered several hits as I jammed the up and down arrow keys, trying to get my…um…spaceship to move. I was about to quit when I accidentally bumped the mouse and off went my ship. After figuring this out, I finally got to playing. Although maneuvering the ship with a mouse can be difficult, Craig Niles’ R.U.D.O.L.F. provides a lot of fun.

R.U.D.O.L.F. is graphically intense. The snowfall effect is smooth (although it can make you slightly sick), the sprites are done well (even though they don’t really animate) and the star-particle explosions are simply fun. Once you get the final weapon, there’s so much going on you might get lost in the debris. I love the background music, adding beautifully to the fast-paced mood. I do wish there were some sound effects though.

The learning curve is relatively consistent. It starts out plenty easy and gets ridiculously difficult by the end. In fact, the only way I was able to beat it was by cheating. Don’t get me wrong, I could make it halfway through the last stage by myself, but with no armor/energy/hp/whatever left. The problem is, when you die, you start back at the beginning of the level…with the lowest weapon. It’ll take too long to upgrade it before you meet a challenger who you need it for. If you die in level 3, the last level, then you’re pretty much screwed. I could only manage to get to the boss in level 2 if I had died.

Thus, I give R.U.D.O.L.F. the most frustrating game award of CH05. Each level takes so long and there’s no way to replenish your hit points, so I ended up resetting the game every time I died (or if I got hit in level 1). Even though I never made it to the final boss, I do think R.U.D.O.L.F. has the best gameplay of all CH05 entries. There’s no menu’s or scoring system (shame, shame), but everything else functions beautifully. There’s even a nice little ending if you make it there (remember I cheated). Just make sure you clean out the mouse before you jump into the action.
Score: ****+

Title: Santa’s Hat
Author: William Heatley
Good: Watching everything do its particular function.
Bad: No goals and surprisingly easy (once you figure out what to do).
Between a bag of coal or cheer, which would you take? The bag of coal, to bash those who choose the bag of cheer.
Comment:
And now, for my very own special present; the game customized for me! That’s right, I was the prospective recipient of William Heatley’s end goal and at 10:00AM on the 23rd of December, I received his game, Santa’s Hat. When I first played it, I was very confused and it barely seemed to function. It turned out to be my fault, as my video drivers were not up-to-date, which was causing problems with several CH entries (which is the primary reason of why this review has taken so long to post). Once I finally had everything working, Santa’s Hat was quite a blast!

I think SH might possibly be the most unique entry of CH ’05. The main character is Santa’s hat and the only enemy is high-pitched squeaking coals. Slowly, you build up a little set of factories, each producing cheer in the form of a present. The more cheer/presents, the more the coal-enemies approach your factory-city. This is when you have to ward them off by firing snowballs (is that an oxymoron?), of which, I’m not sure how the little hat manages to do that. Hitting the rolling rocks o’ hate can be tricky, as the snowballs are small and have to line up with coals exactly. Of course, once you realize you can build turrets that auto-target the encroachers, SH becomes very easy.

SH is crying for some form of background music. The deadly quiet takes away from the eventual fast-paced environment (actually, by this time, you hear a pretty constant sound of squeaks as the coals are being nailed by turrets). Graphic-wise, SH seems fine from what little graphical details there are. The main flaw of the game is that the turrets completely trump the coals. At this point, you yourself no longer have to shoot down the little buggers and all you do is collect the multitude of presents you develop. A new enemy that could take out the turrets would not only provide more challenge, but also add a little variation to what quickly becomes pointless.

Even though I ultimately dominated the sprawl of in-coming coals, I still enjoyed building just for the heck of it. Eventually, I managed to get factory buildings and covered the whole screen with something or another. That’s quite a bit of fun to watch everything do its appointed task (I was amazed at how fast everything continued to move). I even expanded beyond the boundaries of my little cheer-civilization, and continued to build small towns. Perhaps my imagination got the best of me, but I sure enjoyed it.

Yes, it could use a little work, but SH is still a pretty fun little game. Everything works as it is supposed to (except, you can’t seem to build the F4-building). I hope William updates the project to include more challenges and variations in this game. Something as oddball and unique as SH deserves continuation. And if you disagree, see how far you can get without using turrets and you’ll recognize the potential this game truly has.
Score: ***+

Title: The Usual Spices
Author: Goodbytes
Good: Dramatic opening scene.
Bad: Short-lived gameplay.
Award for hottest CH ’05 chick goes to: Nameless mistress and every bit of her delicious backside!
Comment:
What? Whoa. Wow! That’s the exact order of words I said when I first opened up Goodbytes’ The Usual Spices. I have to say it is the most creative of this year’s CH entries. Unfortunately, this two dimensional platform game has a long way to go. The graphics are weak, the music is decent and the gameplay isn’t too exhilarating. Nonetheless, TUS has everything it needs to become a pretty awesome game.

At least the physics of the game works during game-time. I do like the unique controls. Typically, when a game doesn’t follow standard controls and tries to be creative, it makes for a lousy system. Of course ‘a’ and ‘d’ are commonly used as left and right in many FPS games, but it’s the addition of the mouse-casting that is so unique about TUS. There’s nothing as funny as going through the whole story of how tough the main character is only to run through the levels doing the cutesy clap method by moving the mouse back and forth horizontally.

Graphically, the game could use some work. When I say the graphics are weak, I’m not talking about the intro cut-scene (I love the setting of the cut-scenes, it goes perfectly with TUS style) nor the sprite graphics (I love the way the main char takes hits), but rather the worldly environment. The sky is boring and floating bricks is cliché. This was most likely of low priority during the eight-day event, but currently it stands out as the ugliest part of what is seemingly a beautiful game.

But I’m still in love with the intro and I imagine we will be seeing copycats next year trying to rip the idea. I doubt anyone will be able to do it like Goodbytes pulled it off. With a few more additions and tweaking this game is going to be a blast and it already stands out from the rest in my mind. I’m eagerly waiting updates for the not-so-usual The Usual Spices. In the meantime, I might watch The Usual Suspects…
Score: ***+

Title: And the Cow Jumped over the Moon
Author: relpatseht
Good: The bizzaro factor.
Bad: Only one level.
And the silver spoon did what? Most likely fed the marijuana that inspired this game.
Comment:
A nonsensical shooter indeed! Relpatseht’s And the Cow Jumped over the Moon is Earthworm Jim-weird and that’s why I like it (interestingly enough, space cows are enemies to the oddball Earthworm Jim fella). It’s just zany fun, even if it’s an old idea forced into a specified theme (that’s why it’s nonsensical!). I know I got a good laugh out of it and that’s about the most you can get out of it. But hey, laughing’s fun.

I don’t mind that AtCJotM is just a shooter clone, since it appears to function with little to no bugs. The graphical collection of primitives used for enemies works well in-game and for the wacky theme. Sadly, there is only one level and thus, AtCJotM doesn’t provide any variety or challenge. If you are going the shooter route, you should focus on content rather than a perfect appearance. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all in the presentation, but graphics should be a lower priority than content. I’d be more inclined to give a higher review if there were several levels and the enemies didn’t explode rather than vice versa.

Out of all the screwiness that is AtCJotM, I’d have to say the music best fits the desired theme. It’s weird, in-your-face and literally makes you think of space cows when you close your eyes. I can’t imagine a more appropriate song. This brings me back to the style of AtCJotM. It’s such a bizarre theme, I would have preferred a bizarre gameplay, but instead I got the mundane vertical shooter. It’d be the same thing if it were a pinball game (actually, that might be more fitting…). I do see some potential in the technical level of this game and I hope to see more, if not for just another laugh.
Score: **

Title: Thanta'th Little Helperth
Author: Ceagon Xylas
Good: Santa’s little helper never looked so good.
Bad: No functionality
What’s your favorite color? Red…no, blue!
Comment:
About the only thing interesting to Ceagon Xylas Thanta’th Little Helperth is picking out an outfit to wear during the game (and the side note that reports its uselessness). This game seems to be crucially affected by the time pressure of the event and therefore has no gameplay whatsoever. It is a shame, because what can be seen is smooth and graphically pleasing.

Well, there is a little bit of functionality. You can shoot down the three or four enemy ships at the beginning of the game, but that’s it. Once again, the graphics of the explosions are good, but it’s still not enough to entertain you for more than two seconds.

Once the author adds more enemies, an actual level design and a purpose, then Thanta’th Little Helperth can be almost considered a game, but for now, it’s just lacking too much.
Score: *

Title: Santa Sleigh Race
Author: miran
Good: Beating your old high score.
Bad: Only one track.
Where’s the next checkpoint? Who cares!
Comment:
Miran’s Santa Sleigh Race was one of my favorite games of CH ’05. It’s graphically enticing, functionally sound, musically cheerful and a lot of fun. I’m not sure if I can believe that it was done in just eight days. Miran really focused on the little details that together make this game so wonderful. Being able to keep everything in given style and constantly promoting that feel is a sign of a true game designer.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out how to play Santa Sleigh Race. Controls are very straightforward and the concept/purpose is blatantly obvious, so you don’t have to spend any time at figuring out what to do. More time to play, yay! I really appreciate the menu systems at game-start. Typically, these are the features that most entries don’t have because of time and low priority. The fact that SSR does have them (without any glitches or buginess), proves upfront that this is going to be a fully working game.

SSR even provides some multiplayer action, as subtle as it might be. Time races might be the only race you can do, but it’s enough for it to be called a game. I am sad that’s there’s only one track, but it’s the best ‘one track’ you could have if you could only have one. Hmmm…does that make any sense? Let me explain. The race track on SSR is curvy, long and filled with tree tops (or bushes?) that make for a decent challenge but not overwhelming. The sharp turns may seem a bit advanced at first, but having round curves would have made SSR become easy too fast and lose its veneer. Nonetheless, I’m definitely looking forward to having more races, because I don’t think I’m going to beat my current time.

If I really wanted to have something negative to say about SSR, it’d have to be on the content, but even that’s pushing it. There’s really nothing original about SSR and there’s no storyline to give the sleigh race a purpose. But let’s be honest, who ever reads any story to a racing game and just how many racing games (that appear exactly the same) are out there? Enough. Once SSR has some more races and hopefully some simultaneous multiplayer skirmishing, it’ll be ready to stand up against the best. Period.
Score: ****+

Title: Zombie Slaughtering
Author: Felipe Maia
Good: Endless play.
Bad: Endless play.
Float like a feather: Sting like a zombie?
Comment:
Felipe Maia’s Zombie Slaughtering is more the caliber of game I was expecting for an eight-day event prior to Christmas. The little (noticeable) details are missing or not working and it can hardly be called a game. I don’t want to scorn it too much (hey, it was better than my non-submitted entry!), but there’s little I can boast about.

The best thing about ZS is, of course, the endless play. Unfortunately, since monsters often get stuck in unreachable locations, you often have to reset the game anyway. At least the non-stuck monsters move in a logical way: they hunt you and jump when needed. The constant pursue of enemies definitely gives that feel of most zombie-like games. You have a wide array of weapons to blast these gruesome characters down, also adding to the theme. The title of the game itself seems to be mocking the typical genre, ‘Zombie Slaughtering’. So it appears ZS has the right idea and is going the right direction, but the lack of game elements as well as buggy gameplay and poor physics engine hurts ZS gravely.

A simple background song is not difficult to add, even if it is just wind sounds. All you do is find the music of your choice (that is, if you prefer or don’t have time to make it yourself), kick it off before the main game loop, and stop it afterwards. That’s it. The fact that ZS does not have any music or sounds really shows the disregard for the important little details. The graphics look like they took a decent amount of time to produce, but overall, they are pretty weak and could use some polishing (even though I do like the intro screen a lot).

If this were in the allegro depot, I imagine it’d get a single-star rating at best, but considering the time factor and what did get done, I’m inclined to be somewhat lenient. Actually, I didn’t even the play the CH release, since I had to get a bunch of dll’s to make it work. So the version I played was slightly changed (the author mentioned that the only change was that you can die in this version instead of getting negative health). Since the author demonstrated some desire to improve the game, ZS might get these flaws taken care of and it might turn into quite a fun little game. The keyword is might.
Score: **+

Title: Star Paint
Author: Mark Robson
Good: Absolutely beautiful.
Bad: Slow and frustratingly difficult.
What happens when you run into a star? It ends in a bang! A Big Bang!
Comment:
Mark Robson’s Star Paint truly deserves the title. It’s a beautiful game and easily takes the best graphics of CH ’05. The concept is easy and the controls are straightforward, but don’t let that fool you, this game is @%$^ hard! I often found myself going “Ah at-sign exclamation, piece of percentage-money-sign, carrot!” (yes, I censor myself out loud with what would be written as symbols). Often the attractiveness is lost by the tension of playing.

The physics are very accurate in Star Paint. In fact, that’s what makes it so difficult. SP quickly proved that I should never be an astronaut. I managed to get to the third level, but it took me quite a bit of time. I kept overshooting my stars and they’d end up going outside of the needed region. I wish the destination areas were black holes and they’d just suck in the targets if you got them close enough. It would’ve made a little more sense than just moving stars around for the fun of it. I remember one Futurama episode where they moved stars around in space for some reason, but I’ll save Futurama for another review…

Even though I had a hard time playing, the game itself is just a work of art. When I first turned on SP, there were some problems keeping from being able to play it, so instead, I just sat back and gawked at it. Since the author managed to get this amazing scenery set up and who-knows-how-many-levels together with virtually no bugs in less than eight days makes my non-submitted entry look like continuously recycled dog barf. I did have to cut my ear off, however, after crashing into so many stars. You know…cut my ear off…Starry Night…ugh, now my jokes are frustrating.
Score: ***

Title: KeyMan
Author: Krzysztof Kluczek
Good: Challenging puzzles and complete gameplay.
Bad: No sounds. :(
Finding out you messed up from the beginning: Priceless.
Comment:
Best puzzle game I’ve played in a long, long time. Yes, even compared to current day puzzle games. Krzysztof Kluczek’s KeyMan is krazy…er…I mean, crazy, irresistible fun. Many will be turned off by the think-factor of this game, but if you start from the tutorials and work your way up, the learning curve on this game is dead on perfect. Of course, some people just don’t like puzzle games. It’s not my favorite genre, but I loved it all the same.

KeyMan may not be the most inviting game on the CH market, but it’s chalked full of quite possibly the most entertainment of the bunch. The graphics are as simple as they get, but that’s not a bad thing. Sure, they could use some polishing, but turn them into 3D height maps and you still have the exact same gameplay, hence why I don’t belittle them further. What I do want is some sort of background music or sound effects (with the option to turn them off, of course). In fact, this is the only thing keeping this from getting a five-star rating. And a simple, “good job” after beating a map would be nice.

I haven’t beaten all the available maps* because they get incredibly challenging. I’m not even going to attempt the ‘Mind Blowing’ stage. Nonetheless, if you are into puzzles or don’t mind playing a puzzle game, I can guarantee at least an hour’s worth of game time with KeyMan. The controls are easy, the rules are simple and the challenges are…challenging! Get playin’ today! (This review has turned into more of an advertisement…hmmm…).

* I can’t figure out “The World of Secret’s” in the Classic episodes. Can it be beaten?
Score: ****+

Title: FUTURXMAS
Author: DarkAvenger
Good: Get to play as that love-to-hate Futurama Santa Claus!
Bad: Too easy and gets boring fast
Favorite Santa Claus 3000 quote: “Your mistletoe is no match for my T.O.W. Missile!”
Comment:
Nothing like a game based off a television series’ modified version of a holiday theme. I was so excited to play DarkAvenger’s FUTURXMAS being that the Christmas episodes were my favorite of the Futurama cartoon. I was slightly disappointed. Mundane play with so-so graphics just didn’t cut it in my opinion.

At least FUTURXMAS has the premise accurate. Shooting presents with a laser gun while controlling a robotic Santa is something only Futurama viewers could understand. Unfortunately, that’s all there is to this game. A little bit of variation would have made this entry a hundred times better. For example, presents fall faster after gunning so many down or a Futurama character comes running back and forth across the screen that gives you bonus points if you can hit it. Instead, FUTURXMAS has a steady flow of presents unhurriedly traversing the vertical route. I gunned down a hundred without missing a single one on my first and last try.

It’s merely the lavish sound effects and style that saves this game. I imagine FUTURXMAS as one of those online games that you play after clicking on some random ad. And that’s all I have to say about that… “Santa Claus is gunning YOU DOWN!”
Score: **+

Scores
My reviews are assorted in random order. However, to pit the games directly against each other, I've arranged titles by their scores (you can click on the links to go to the given review). Entries with the same score are sorted by my personal preference in order of favorite to least favorite. Scores are out of 5 stars, (a plus means a half star).

Title	Score	Award(s)
Santa Sleigh Race	****+	My Choice Award
KeyMan	****+	Most Gameplay
R.U.D.O.L.F	****+	Most Frustrating
XMAS Delivery	****	Most Challenging
Nuclear Attack!	****	Best True-to-Style
The Usual Spices	***+	Most Creative
Santa's Hat	***+	Most Unique
Star Paint	***	Most Beautiful
Revenge of Frosty	**+	Most Annoying Sounds
FUTURXMAS	**+	Easiest Game
Zombie Slaughtering	**+	Most Buggy
And the Cow Jumped over the Moon	**	Most Bizarre
Thanta'th Little Helperth	*	Most Incomplete

Conclusion
And there you have it, my analysis on the wonderful games of ChristmasHack '05. I hope these reviews were fun and interesting (and possibly helpful to the authors). You can read about my entry here and why it was never even submitted. There will be more events in the future and I hope to cover those games as well. Let me know if you have any comments/suggestions etc. about the above. I might edited this post a few more times to fix small mistakes (since it is so large) and add new links.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (even though both have passed)!

Read the Reviews!

Independent Game Review: The Legends of Thantil (Version 1.1)

2005-12-12T16:35:00.000-08:00

Legends of Thantil
Alias Roman Tech.

"Basic Story Outline: You are a young adventurer who has been more or less forced to join a group of shady characters, will you help them or will you find the Empire's ever-growing reach pleasing?"

Commentary
I was in the mood for a good RPG and went hunting through the relatively small list within the allegro depot. Legends of Thantil caught my attention because it has both a unique name, but yet, so common amongst RPG titles. After loading it up and getting used to the controls, I got crackin'.

Summary
Legends of Thantil is about a boy or man (not really sure...) named Javez. Thumbs up on the main char's name, unique but not too unique, just like the title. The world seems to be in somewhat of a turmoil as mages are being slaughtered by the Empire (who seemingly trains mages of their own…), this time, a very cliche'd term. Nonetheless, you have the basic grasp of what's going on.
And for the rest of the game, you will always have that basic grasp. I have to say that development is lacking in Legends. There are several plot holes and unresolved mysteries. I kept waiting for those dang Flaming Kurtis guys to do something! Story-aside, it's not that bad of a game. If anything, I'd put it near Final Fantasy II (not IV, I'm talking Japanese version via FF Origins). You often have no idea where you are going, why you are going there and/or how to get there, but it still functions and progresses.

Transitions and Bugs
The problem with the game is transition. Everything transitions poorly. The background music changes every time it finishes a song. You run into battles very unexpectedly. Characters join the party out of the blue. The whole game follows a chaotic linear plot, meaning it may seem like you can go wherever, but you're going to end up following the same exact line of progress every time.A game that has so many issues that is obviously trying to fall back on dialogue really needs to make that dialogue good. And, as I mentioned, it isn't. The battle system is interesting, but it loses its veneer after becoming so repetitive.Legends still has a lot bugs. You can walk right off the edge and cry when the program crashes and you forgot to save. There are plenty of misspellings and other such nonsense.

Start ‘er up!
The one transition that is done well is the flow of concept in the game. It starts with a very simple cut-scene (one of about three for the entire game) to give you an idea and a practice battle to get use to the controls. You are then allowed to go to a town or a cave. The battles get slightly more difficult and you get a good core understanding of what the rest of the game will be like.

So, um, where do I go now?
After getting out of the camp grounds, there are a few places you can go. Of course, touching the big icon (Thantil) does nothing and the Orc won’t let you in the Orc village. Really, you can go to Nordor or Summervale, either choice will eventually lead you on the same trail. During this long time of talking and trying to figure out where to go, there are no battles and it is slightly boring.

And the best city/village/town award goes to…
Tridor. It was a close race between Tridor and Ciiskin (the sky city), but Tridor was just such an interesting little place that somewhat (although not very clearly) explained some things about the game. Plus, the only way to get in or out of it was by means of teleportation or death. J

Can I run away? No? Then I shall use magic! Oh…nevermind…
In combat, there’s really only three things you do: Move, attack and end your turn. There’s a choice for magic and fleeing, but as far as I could tell, they don’t do anything…

I broke the damage limit!
You know games like Final Fantasy and many other RPG’s where you can do mega loads of damage, sometimes going over 10,000 damage? Not in Legends. In this world, you’ll be excited to break into the double digits. Don’t get me wrong, I actually was excited. My best hit was 15 damage at the final battle.

I want to buy it, but I can’t…
There’s a small list of items available in the game, enough for you to mix and match to your personal taste. Careful though, there is an exact set of monsters that you can run into (battles are not random), meaning there is a precise amount of money you will get. Only the later battles provide you with a decent amount of money. At first, you only get about 5-8 gold per battle, just enough to buy a potion or rest at the inn to prepare for the next battle.

Argh! That blasted treasure!
I was able to get the treasure in the underground cave of Nordor, but there was another treasure that merely laughed at my futile attempt. Hidden in the trees is a treasure box on the southeastern part of Nordor. I searched the trees around it and found I could walk through some. Unfortunately, nothing ever led to the tempting treasure. If you can get it, please let me know!

Whoa, what did you just say?
“WHO IN THE NINE HELLS ARE YOU!?” Ah, Illthuian, what exactly crawled up your…Legends features some pretty graphic language. Sometimes its crude, sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it is meant to be funny and other times it is offensive, but never seems fitting. I have to say, if you have an Orcish Slut in your game then you’re probably going too far (warning: don’t read what she/it has to say too closely).

Who are you, Teliana?
One of the "features" of this game includes getting a second person on your team. This is when the game gets fun because now you have to shop accordingly and battles take more strategy (if either person dies, the whole game is lost). I must admit though, the transition of her coming to your party is a complete surprise. It's almost like the author was making a NPC and decided "and here's where Teliana joins!" Of course, she leaves the party just as randomly. ;)

Battle with the Harpy
For me, the best part of this game is the battle with the Harpy in the Sky town of Ciiskin (I think that's what it was called). First off, you have the mystical setting of traveling through a town hovering in the sky. Second, you get a few good battles along with some peace on the north side. Third, the challenge with the Harpy herself. The Harpy isn't too difficult, but rather the entire battle. It's a 2-vs-8 scenario and your two characters don't start next to each other. If you don't move right, then the enemies could all gather on one person. That's not necessarily bad, being that once the enemies get close, they tend to forget what they're suppose to do. Nonetheless, the battle was relatively intense and exciting.

Finally made it to Thantil!!!
The city/castle pair of Thantil doesn't come till the very end of the game. It's a big icon on the world map that you can't enter until the end. Obviously, since Thantil is the evil empire, you've got to expect some resistance upon entering. Fortunately, it's only one battle (on possibly the largest battle field). Then, you can talk with Thantillian citizens. At first, I hated everything in this town (not because of its evilness, but more because of its construction). Eventually I realized the blatant stab at mass commercialism. The city has an Ad company filled with idiots who think their ideas are ingenious. I'm not sure if it is a stab at Tobacco companies or at the Truth.com (Tobacco companies rival), since the dialogue feels like Truth.com with a touch of over-dramatization. Stay away from the church unless you want to hear the typical and over-exaggerated stabs it typically gets.

Then you get to the castle. Everything goes haywire here. The drama and buildup has all led to this moment and then it definitely gets a little crazy. The ending result is quite unexpected as well. It makes more sense when you think of the entire game as a whole, but you probably won't like it the first time through.

And how long will this take?
For the average gamer, I’d say between 2-3 hours. This is if you save it regularly, because you never know when you’re going to run into a battle that turns out bad.

*********************************************************************************

And now to formulate this review into its different topics, judging this game on its different elements.

Graphics 4/10
The graphics aren't so bad that you can't tell what is what. You can say that is a tree and that's a building. Sometimes you'll go "is that suppose to be a chair of some sort?" All the sprites animate, but only in one direction. *Sigh* However, I've seen worse and think the author did a fine job. It's not terribly horrible to look at and he even notes that this is an Old-Style RPG. These graphics are just what you get. I'd give it a higher score, just out of personal choice, but in relation to other games out there, that'd be just blatantly unfair.

Sound Effects 4/10
There's so much more room for sound effects in this game. Perhaps a battle cling or wind sound. Unfortunately, about the only sound effect I remember was when you bought something at the store. However, that sound fits perfectly and that's why I'm giving it a 4. I just hope more sound effects are added to later versions to liven up this game a little.

Music 7/10
I think the music in this game is almost dead on perfect. With the current setting of graphics along with slow pace movement and despair-like theme, the music really adds to the feel. The songs just need to be organized a little better. Having them play like a randomly sorted playlist takes away from that feel. Plus, they're only half-songs. Fortunately, the author notes that the music is really just a place-holder for the time being and since the potential is there, I'm currently giving it an 7. I would like to see music for certain things in the future, like battle sequence song, a town song, a last battle song, etc.

Story/Plot/Purpose 7/10
Here I was ragging on about the story of this game and yet, I'm giving it a 7? Truth be told, the plot is there, it's just muddy. And yes, it is somewhat cliché, but it still has its unique feel to it. Every once in a while, you're lucky enough to run into a NPC who actually talks some sense. And it's a good thing too, otherwise you most likely wouldn't be willing to sit through it.

Controls 7/10
Simple. That's all there is to it. Simple is a good thing, though. You can learn them quickly and get into actually playing the game. The layout of the controls works nicely too. The only negative thing is sometimes you want to do something and you can't. Like press up at the top of any inventory list and make it loop to the bottom.

Replay Value 1/10
Once you play through this game, you're pretty much done. Since the path is so linear and you can't really expect new challenges, most likely you'd probably not play again, unless you wanted to figure out how to buy one of those expensive ethers. If the game were a little more lively (and more logical), then possibly you'd come back just for a fun revisit.

Difficulty 8/10
I never felt over-challenged. The curve of learning is pretty balanced and doesn't put you in difficult battles from the beginning. In fact, there's a nice training fight at the beginning that shows you the ropes. Although it’s simple, its sufficient.

Originality 3/10
It's only original in itself, but a little too cliché to win points here.

Artificial Intelligence 5/10
It's really a good thing the enemies are so dumb. It doesn't take long to figure out how they think and how you can somewhat manipulate them to your desire. Of course, if they were any smarter, it'd be really difficult since most battles you're way outnumbered.

Pointless Opinion 8/10
So...what's good about the game? Believe it or not, it has a nostalgic value to it. Although most people can't see past the graphics, I enjoyed the simplicity of them. Sure, I'd always ask for a graphics upgrade, but to not play the game solely because of that is just a sin! I kept coming back to Legends because I kept waiting for it all to connect. It's also pretty difficult to figure out where to go, so I enjoyed trying to manage my way through and figure out how to beat the battles.

The Author is pretty cool too. He helped me out with some buggy situations.

******* Overall Rating: 54/100 *******

Click Legends of Thantil to download the game.

Read Full Post to see Overall Rating!

Independent Game Review: a-maze (Version 2.0)

2005-11-30T21:13:00.000-08:00

The following is a review on a game made using the Allegro graphics library. Games, being my passion are graded on the following subject matter:

Graphics
Sound Effects
Music
Story/Plot/Purpose
Controls
Replay Value
Difficulty
Originality
Artifical Intelligence
Pointless Opinion

Each category is out of 10 for a total score of 100. And without further ado, my review on a-maze, version 2.0.

a-maze

Johan Halmén

Commentary

When I first loaded up a-maze, I got excited about it. The neat little fade-in of the title, the screenshots I had looked at and the music that started up once I began the first maze. However, then I had no idea what to do. I ended up giving up because I couldn't even move the "bead" around the maze, as intended by the "info" screen of the game. I closed the program down and was saddened from the anti-climatic result.

But how could I write a review of said title if I didn't even play the game? Determined to figure it out, I re-entered the game and gave it another shot. I finally figured out how to move the "bead" and got a chance to actually play the game. It definitely has its potential, but still has a way to go. I'd had a very challenging time making my way through the first maze.

The editor feature is nice, as long as you don't try to look at the fifth tab on the top right corner (causes it to crash for me). I think the game deserves a chance and it's still in its beta version. Nonetheless, as of right now, you probably won't enjoy more than five minutes of it.

Graphics 8/10
Pretty simple graphics, but they all compile into a perfectly presentable demo. The kind of graphics you'd expect from an independent title, although quite acceptable.

Sound Effects 8/10
There's hardly any effects to judge, which isn't necessarily a problem. Of what I could hear (and sfx volume is adjustable, a plus in my book), everything sounded nice and predictable, as sfx should be. :)

Music 9/10

Only one song, but I couldn't think of any song that'd fit better for this type of game. Great background music.

Story/Plot/Purpose 7/10

It's a maze/object-collecting game. Obviously, since there's no story, I didn't rate this based on story alone. The obstacles, timing scheme and whatnot to dodge or figure out make the purpose more suitable and gradable. The only room for improvement is in increasing the reason for collecting the flags, whatever that might be.

Controls 5/10

Once you figure them out, it's not so bad. However, overall functionality needs some work.

Replay Value 9/10

With a multitude of mazes (that don't seem playable) and high score tables, you have a formula for good replay value. You'll end up trying to beat your old scores and finding new tricks that make you want to play even more. Then, once you get friends involved, you'll love it even more!

Difficulty 2/10

Way too difficult! The learning curve is way too heavy, way too early. I got frustrated quickly and so will you. :(

Originality 6/10

There's a lot of maze games and collecting games. Nothing new here.

Artifical Intelligence */*

It's a maze game. AI not included. Counted off final score.

Pointless Opinion 4/10
I can't call this a game. The editor's nice and (for the most part) functional. But, I only seem to be able to play one game, it's not intuitive at all and the first maze is way too difficult. It should be easy, like you could do it with your eyes closed. I digress, I won't be playing this game again until there are some major improvements.

******** Overall Rating 58/90 ->64% or 6 out of 10 ************

Click a-maze to go to the allegro site to play the game.

Read Full Post to see Overall Rating!

Band Review: Breaking Benjamin

2005-09-07T16:41:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a while since I decided to review something, so I figured I'd just pick an easy subject. I've been interchangeably listening to Big Wreck and Breaking Benjamin since they are the newest CD's in my arsenal. You know my thoughts on Big Wreck, but what about Breaking Benjamin? What possibly possessed me to buy this Trapt-ripoff (or vice-versa?) CD? To tell you the truth, I was in a random mood and was trying to remember what bands I like while using my Hasting's giftcard and I remembered they had a few songs out that I liked.

And what do I think of the CD? Well, first off, let me make a little disclaimer. I accidently bought their old CD, which coincedentally doesn't have any of the "few songs [] that I liked." But I was like, "meh, why not." Turns out they're a cliched lyrics kind of band, which is not too surprising if you've heard the recent "Rain, rain, go away" song. I'm not talkin' Korn-butchering, but still, common cliches (sigh, redundancy) are never good for mainstream media nor the analytical poet. But there's one thing B.B. is good for: nothing. Not as in nothing-nothing but more like to-feel-nothing-nothing. It's great for driving!

Sure, there's a few forced four-letter f-words and ridiculous cliches, but the fast and chunky sixteenth-note heavy music is fantastic for nullifing any feelings you got. Feeling mad? Sad? Pop in B.B. and soon it'll be gone. And if you listen to songs word-for-word, the stay away from the heavies like one song that parallels the Wizard of Oz. Yes, I meant that litterally.

The lead singer has, for lack of better words, a fun voice. It's not like that whiney boy from Trapt, who seems like he could've beat you up in high school and is now guzzling booze on the streets. No, our B.B. frontman can go from a choir-boy voice to a almost mechanical sound to a back-alley shouting voice. It's simply fun to play along. I do recommend that you do so during the evening otherwise you will look like you're singing the Bohemian Rhapsody.

Overall, I enjoy it, but wouldn't recommend it. Download the songs or borrow a copy sometime, but it's definitely not worth your hard-earned cash.

Song Review: Question

2005-08-29T11:25:00.000-07:00

Normally, System of a Down is too hard and/or political for me. Normally. I do like Toxicity and I go back and forth on Aerials. There was just a few songs that I heard or saw its video that left me confused and unsure. Yet, behind the screaming and goatees and questionable lyrics, you can hear instruments being played very originally. You can hear a trainwreck that has order to it.

So I always turn up a System of a Down song to see if that potential has finally come out. Waiting and waiting for a possible explosion of dun-dun-dee-dee pleasure in which I can enjoyably scream along with. Then, the new style of S.O.D. came out and mixed interchangeably with complete crap was a beautiful hard rock/pop combo. Yeah, I'm talking about B.Y.O.B. I knew it was S.O.D. from the moment the song began. Unmistakeable screaming with out-of-control distorted guitar and a drummer leading them into the pits of chaos. Then, the chorus came...I thought I accidently changed the station. Sweet joy! It was still S.O.D.! I was so happy. Then it went back to the verse and the whole S.O.D. comes back into play. I continued to listen to the song just to hear the catchy pop/rock blend. I still thought they had more to grow. Something was lacking, something not quite right. It was almost perfect...

And then came Question. I was driving down the bypass when I heard it (which I don't recommend) and bam! Question kicks off into full throttle of S.O.D. perfection! My windshield exploded and my door flew open and I was flung out, rolling down the grassy midsection. Every part of my body was broken and who knows where my vehicle went, all I knew was I was a dead man. Oh, but I was so happy 'cus I had Question.

It's a perfect blend of high-speed madness with eerie vocals and operatic chorals. They still are the S.O.D. that fans know, but with an evolved style. I don't know why old fans are criticizing the new sound, because it's not new, it's evolved! Their style is still original and the unique change fits a wider audience and just plain rocks! My favorite part of the song is the clacker. I don't know if that's what it's called, but you know what I'm talking about. I can't tell if I'm imagining some jypsey with little finger cymbols, hopping on a one-legged table or if someone is poking me to the beat of the clacking. I love it! So original, so unique, so S.O.D. Question is where I've always wanted S.O.D. to be and therefore it has become the answer!

I give the song a 10 out of 11! Woot!

Movie Review: Sin City

2005-08-21T22:42:00.000-07:00

A visually stunning mob-throb movie. However, don't let the previews fool you, its not quite the matrix-action style you might be expecting. It does fill every bit of its R rated violence and plenty of action sequences to boot, but you're going to come out with a different feeling then a**-kicking. If you've ever read any of Frank Miller's comic strips, then that's exactly what your going to get. I'm telling you now, you'll have the exact same feeling as you would had you just read one of his books. And you know what's surprising? I haven't even read one myself! That's how true this movie is to the author of the Sin City comic.

The movie is heavily narrated. Heavy. Even when someone is getting the tar beaten out of them (or put into them), the narration continues. You don't exactly get that in the previews. The story, moreorless, is relatively simple. There's not too many twists and you should be able to put the whole thing (as messy as it seems) together. There are three different parts/stories that have relatively no connection other than they cross paths infrequently. The different stories are good though and you'll have some A-list actors performing them, so what's to miss?

I say, give the movie a go. I watched it twice, enjoying the comic-like graphics just as much the second time. They are beautiful and I have a little trick for you. At any given time during any part of the movie, pause it. Just completely freeze frame it, step back and take a look. Isn't it cool? It looks like a picture drawn into a comic strip. You won't even be able to believe it's a movie! All and all, I give this an 'A' in my book. It's a must-see.

Fanfiction Review: The Last Stand

2005-08-19T15:08:00.000-07:00

This is a one shot piece I found on fanfiction.net. It's a hilarious parody of a very nostalgic piece I like to call FF1 (yes, the original). It's short, so I'm sure you'll have a moment to read. Enjoy.

The Last Stand

And what did I say?
"...nothing would stand between him and city-wide domination."

I love a good parody and this one was like sugar on the tips of my fingers, short-lived but oh, so sweet. I've never seen Garland portrayed as such a wannabe and yet act the part we see. The vocabulary was brilliantly placed, like Scrabble with words instead of letters. Thank you for the enjoyable read. ;)

Band Review: Big Wreck

2005-08-19T14:10:00.000-07:00

This little group has been in my cd arsenal for quite some time. They're a perfect blend of alternative rock meshed with country twang, seriously. It sounds totally bizarre, I know, but they pulled it off. To me (as this whole site goes), it feels like a country-turned-rock band. I imagine they started writing songs about how their wives left them and killed the dog on the way out and then it actually happened (hence, Big Wreck) and left them with a unique style of true Hard Rock desperation.

They have a really powerful backhills foundation to most of their songs with a gritty rock wave tumbling over them. It's just cool and very unique, maybe even too unique. I haven't found one person who's heard of them before me. Not one! And when I convince them to listen to 'em, they aren't impressed. Perhaps that's why I like them, 'cus nobody else does...? Who knows, they definitely have their own sound and you can tell when it's them and that's the way a true artistic band should be.

And don't even get me started on the singer. He's the perfect fit for this band. Perfect. He's got that deep southern farm sound with the full frontal power of today's rock standard. And he sings with emotion that'll knock you off your feet. I'm not sure if he should be a farmhand, drunk rocker or some unheard-of opera singer. Honestly, he totally floors me. I've never felt so compelled by anything from this guys music and words. Here's some lyrics (even though they have no justice without this guy's voice forwarding them):

Broken Hands
Stay with me, you'll understand
I can't hold you, I've got broken hands

All Our Days Are Numbered
All our days are numbered,
It's an age old spell I've been under

[Lighthouse - my favorite]
Well you would've left me anyway
So I'll just bow my head
I swear you might've left me anyway
So I'll leave you instead...
...be alone, let me bow my head
cause I'd rather be alone,
be alone
be alone
be alone

Waste
So I knew you weren't faking
About your dreams
Because when you're waking
Everything's what it seems
I know you got roses
You want to throw on my grave
But all the time you
You can't seem to stray

And like I said, you've got to hear them to truly feel their power. Anyways, I've had "In Loving Memory" for years and years and its the only CD I ever go back to. I recently bought "The Pleasure and the Greed" because I was hoping someone (hint, hint, Britt) would buy it for me. Alas, to no avail.

What's the point of pointlessness?

2005-08-19T14:08:00.000-07:00

What's the point?

Have you ever just had something you wanted to say but nobody listens because there's no point to what you have to say? Well, then you've come to the right place. Because I'm not listening, I'm talking about the things you don't want to listen to because there's no point to what I'm saying.

I wanted a place where I could review my favorite past times critically and seriously, an indepth look into several different topics. My personal oppinion on whatever the subject. Of course, we all know that my personal oppinion is pointless, thus the reasoning for the point of a pointless blog. Understand yet? If you don't, then forget and just enjoy my ranting and postings...or don't...it's not like I'm not use to people ignoring my thoughts. At least the keyboard doesn't mind and the template seems to pay close attention...bleh...